Have you ever been crazy excited for something that scares you to pieces, even though you know you shouldn't be scared and your reasons are stupid. "What if it's not the same? What will happen after? Is this even happening? What if he realizes I'm not as great as he once thought? Will seeing him make it even harder to be with him but not be able to BE with him? What if I don't live up to the hype we have built up? What happens if we get caught? When will we be able to do this again? Will we ever be able to do this again?"
These thoughts, or I guess questions, fears even, come into my head suddenly as seeing him becomes real. It is real. I am going to see him. And fuck I can't wait to feel his presence next to me again. THAT. just. that. Is what I want so badly, and I am finally getting, so why am I scared? Oh yeah! I'm scared of loosing all of this. All the fear, and the waiting, and the happiness and excitement. I love it all. I love him. It's not one feeling, it's all of the feelings on the spectrum conjumbled into this wonderful mess that is us.
These thoughts, or I guess questions, fears even, come into my head suddenly as seeing him becomes real. It is real. I am going to see him. And fuck I can't wait to feel his presence next to me again. THAT. just. that. Is what I want so badly, and I am finally getting, so why am I scared? Oh yeah! I'm scared of loosing all of this. All the fear, and the waiting, and the happiness and excitement. I love it all. I love him. It's not one feeling, it's all of the feelings on the spectrum conjumbled into this wonderful mess that is us.
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