☂Crying

You know when your start to cry when your watching a movie, and you don't even care about the movie that much so yu know that you are not crying because of the movie? Well that just happened to me. I don't really know why. I mean maybe it's just PMS but I don't think so. Every once and a while I just break down for a while. I guess you kind of have to to survive. I hate that my life is so perfect and that I have all the oppertunities in the world and yet I am still sad. Not all fot the time, and not to the point of depression. I'm just sad sometimes. About my effed up father, and my distant sibelings, and my far away nana and papa whom I love so much, but I only see them once or twice a year. i am going out to see nana and papa this christmas, but only for 5 days, which is enough, but I won't even get to see my brother and sisters. I don't even know them. They are these people with lives and thoughts that I don't understand. I can't understand. I used to be close with my sisters and brother. Before we moved. Don't get me wrong, I love the city we live in now. It is so much better for us. I go to an amazing school, one that I would never be able to go to one like it in the other city. I love my friends, and my family here. I am very close to all these people. But my family in the other city. I talk to my nana and papa, and see them the most. So I know them pretty well. I love them a lot. They are such grandparents! My step mother is wicked. I know that sounds lame and fairytale-ish but, no. It is totally and completely true. She tells my brother and sisters that they are fat, she puts them on diets, she tells them that the only reason that I come to visit them is to spy on the family and report back to my mother. The worst of it is that she tells them that I don't love them, and I can't remind them that I do every day. I hate myself for taking my anger that I feel towards dad out on them. I never call him. Because he should be the one to pick up the phone, and because of this, they never hear from me. They are over there thinking that I don't love them, and I am too angry at my dad to tell them any different. I am sorry that this is such a downer. You probably came to my blog to come read some funny little post that I mentioned your name in. It's not very Christmasy to be going on about this.

yours,

a dancer.