☂as promised.

I have not talked to my father since christmas. I swear to god that I can count the number of times that I talk to him in a year on two hands. He is my father god dammit! He should call or care or something! I should not have to sit in my room and cry over the fact that I have a father that does not care about me! I hate him so much sometimes. This is one of those night where I feel like calling him and screaming at him until he is crying as much as I am and then hanging up, but I am scared to do this. I know that once he picks up the phone I will melt and fall from my anger and he will go on not knowing how I feel. I don't know how much longer I will be able to hide my feelings from him but one day I am going to let go and all hell will break loose. How can I learn to trust people when I cannot even trust my own father! I am sick of crying over him when he does not deserve it! He is not worth my time! I hate him!
but at the same time I do not hate him. In fact I love him, he is my father how can I not love him. I think it's more accurate to say that I hate that I love him.
I hate that he does not even know who I am or what I love.
I just really need someone really close to me to rant to. I also need someone just to hold me while i cry... sounds cheesy.. but it would be nice to have someone care.

yours,
a dancer.