FUCK YOU EXCEL!!!!

It wont open. It's just. WONT. MOTHER FUCKER!
I have to log my physical activity hours for like the past three months LOL

I mean I can do it at school on spare but this is a huge inconvenience! Excel wont open. ever. I tried restarting my computer even. the little bugger.
It says 'not enough memory' when I know fully well that there is enough fucking memory.
IT WORKED TWO MONTHS AGO!


adfh;lasdhfasdkhfoasdhflansdlfhasdfhasd
angst angst angst

jamman is coming over tomorrow.
poster partay~

☂i cant sleep and i'm bored

ahhhhhhhhhhhh

yours,
a dancer.

☂how can you tell?

I can't tell if I am just extremely sad or legitimately depressed. Since it has been like a month I am starting to think it might be the second... it just keeps getting worse.
I'm trying.

yours,
a dancer.

☂This is a different type of stuck in my head

I am quite literally stuck in my own head. I don't seem to notice the way that my friends are reacting to different things or what is going on in their lives. And this is not because I do not care about them. It is in a way because I do not want to care anymore though. I am doing that thing again where I get really close to people and then something happens and I back away because they feel too close. It is like I am claustrophobic to people knowing me too well. I never used to have this problem. I used to have a lot of different people who didn't even like me know only little bits about me. Not one or two people knowing every single detail and all the things that I am thinking. I am not sure I like being known so well because it means that... well I am not quite sure what it means, but I am scared of it. Sometimes I just want to sit my friends down and tell them everything I am thinking. But that is rare. Most of the time I just want to think threw my problems and be incredibly grumpy for a week or so.
I don't know what is happening anymore. or what to do about it.

yours,
a dancer.

☂if only

My house is so stressful right now. I cannot stand it much longer. i feel like I am going to throw up sometimes because I am so worried or stressed about my parents. It is so hard. This week has been horrible. I can usually handle stress. But not this time apparently. I cannot focus. My homework is suffering because of it. I am actually handing in assignments late... it's not like me! I just can't seem to stay on task when there is always a new development. S has started drinking. My mum goes out for coffee often because she cannot handle the pressure either. My body is actually feeling the effects of the stress. I can't eat like I usually do. I am not hungry often. I know I should eat but I do not want to. S lost 15 lbs just this week because she is not eating pretty much anything at all. I am so worried for her. I need a night off. To get away. Just one would be fine. That's all I ask right now. All of the material things I want right now are just to distract me from this all. I am spending money to keep myself happy... it's sad really. None the less I am getting a camera possibly next weekend. I just want to be able to leave the house with the excuse that I am going to go experiment with my camera. I don't wish this never happened... but I do wish it was over with already. I just wanted this summer to be amazing. Because it was supposed to be.

yours,
a dancer.

☂Divorce

You think you wont be that kid that has their parents get a divorce, especially when your parents were never together in the first place; but then you do have this other parent figure that lives with you and it all falls apart. And they are separating all of a sudden. And you don't know how to talk to her anymore. And you are scared shitless.
That is me right now.

yours,
a dancer.

☂Dance

In two weeks I will be participating in my very first CNDC (Canadian national dance championships)!!!!!!!!! I am nervous, excited, and possibly about to vomit knives! I do not feel confident with the dance yet AT ALL! And we only have two more classes to clean! I need to practice religiously now! But I have not been doing that of course because I am a lazy ass:p

The aliens must help me on this one ;)

yours,
a dancer.

☂as promised.

I have not talked to my father since christmas. I swear to god that I can count the number of times that I talk to him in a year on two hands. He is my father god dammit! He should call or care or something! I should not have to sit in my room and cry over the fact that I have a father that does not care about me! I hate him so much sometimes. This is one of those night where I feel like calling him and screaming at him until he is crying as much as I am and then hanging up, but I am scared to do this. I know that once he picks up the phone I will melt and fall from my anger and he will go on not knowing how I feel. I don't know how much longer I will be able to hide my feelings from him but one day I am going to let go and all hell will break loose. How can I learn to trust people when I cannot even trust my own father! I am sick of crying over him when he does not deserve it! He is not worth my time! I hate him!
but at the same time I do not hate him. In fact I love him, he is my father how can I not love him. I think it's more accurate to say that I hate that I love him.
I hate that he does not even know who I am or what I love.
I just really need someone really close to me to rant to. I also need someone just to hold me while i cry... sounds cheesy.. but it would be nice to have someone care.

yours,
a dancer.

☂unsure,scared,worried,sad...

I am so unsure about all of the things I was so sure about at the beginning of the month:(

HELP

yours,
a dancer.

☂two more sleeps^_^

In two more sleeps, as my mom would say when I was little, I will be off to the wedding! I can't wait to show off my new hair and dress and shoes!!!!! It will be a fun weekend... minus the bride...

my dog is howling to the law and order theme song yet again...

I can't wait to see my nana and papa again! I am so excited to see them again! Last time I left them I bawled hard core and couldn't stop for like a half an hour. I hate leaving them. I am a mess when I come home from my dad's though. At least when I come home from nana and papa's a cry a little at first because I will miss them but then I am happy for the time I got to spend with them. When I leave my dad's I am angry and sad and I have all of these things running around in my head poking holes. And at the same time I am too logical to really get mad because I know that I shouldn't be mad so I stop myself... and then I get madder later on... I am horrible for bottling up my feelings.

yours,
a dancer.

☂summer lovin' having a blast....

So I guess it's getting more serious now. I don't know if he thinks so... I hope so:P I really hope this friday picnic thingy works out!
P.s. anyone can come!!!!! just msg me if you want to! (tlkin to my friends if there are creepers reading this)
I really like talking to him. It very natural and I tell him anything and everything. No lies. The way it should be:)
I don't know if I am altogether ready for a serious relationship... I mean I am only (almost)15 and he was my first date but I think I chose pretty damn good for a first:P
I can't wait to kiss him! awwwwwwwwwww he is so sweet

god i promised myself i wouldn't be one of those girls that only talks about the boy friend! It is really hard! :)



Today I had ortho... retainer check.... yes i have one:(
I only have to wear it full time for 5 more months and then it's all good! yay!
(then only at night) which isn't that bad.
At least I don't have braces anymore!
god i do not miss those!

i wonder what it's like to kiss someone with braces:P mental note... ask Ish:P

I am almost done ss project. All we have to do is finish adri's voice overs and then cut a whole bunch of shit out to make it shorter cause it's going to be too long:P
we did waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy too much research for this thing!

ew
I also have to finish Flowers for Algernon. which if you read my bookshelf you can read more about me freakin out bout that:P

and sketchbook.... one drawing... it's good but.... i need way more than one... shit;p

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


yours,
a dancer.

☂pain

i am in sooo much pain right now! My throat is killing me! I think it's more my tonsils but w.e.
ever time i swallow it hurts like major and when i am just normal is still hurts!!! and it's not like a dry throat, coughing too much hurt. It's like someone ripped out my tonsils!
ew
ew
ew
ow
ow
ow
:(


yours,
a dancer.

☂why?

why does everyone but me have to have a life and not be home on a saturday night???? I am so bored and there is no one to talk to!!!! AHHHHHHH

yours,
a dancer.

☂R

R arrived safely and she is so fun! I miss her:( when she isn't here.
We went shopping today.
I didn't get anything.
But I get money instead for the trip to europe next year. That's ok though. I don't need anything and I do need money for the trip:P

I am thinking of calling him tonight since i am alone all night!?!?!? What do you think????? Because I know he has football tonight. So I don't know when to call him:S
HELP!!!

yours,
a dancer.