That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s²

Valentines day is coming up pretty quick here and the school is a bustling with girls buying candy grams for their boy toys and their friends. Im sending a couple to my friends. The whole "holiday" though is really dumb. You don't need one day a year to celebrate your love for someone. Part of me loves it for the valentines and the little girls decorating cards and the little boys buying hot wheels valentines and everyone putting them in the little hand made boxes :3 That's cute. But the other part of valentines day, where couples get together and get it on or buy each other things is kind of dumb. The most I will do to celebrate that aspect of the holiday is a "happy valentines day" in passing but really that's all. I think if you're going to get someone a gift to show your love for someone, do it. You don't need the excuse of a cheesy halmark fake holiday.

rant over :)

p.s. i love that pick up line xD

☂before

Before I used to imagine myself taking part in tragic love affairs that end up working out but have a seriously complicated plot line. I used to imagine falling in love in a foreign land or getting swept off my feet by some random man or finding out that I secretly love someone I openly hated. I have a very active imagination due to the books I read (past and present tense). I thought of extravagant settings and men that were creative and witty. Possibly falling in love at Oxford or NYU. All of these things don't go away of course. You still think of them. But as you start to grow up you realize that many of those fantasies could be only that, fantasies. I have found love without the complicated plot line and the far away places. And I love it just the same. It is real. He is real. I love reality.

yours,
a dancer.

☂change

So many things are changing in my world. My friend's lives. Mine.
I mean some of us, me included, have serious relationships. I mean what is that? When did that happen? Seems like just yesterday that we were all sitting in a circle hearing the stories from the one of us at the time that had a boyfriend, it didn't last all that long unfortunately, but we were still all entertained at the time by the stories! We were all dreaming about having that. Maybe even something better than it. And now some of us have it! How weird is that????
We are not grown up. We don't try to be. But we are actually thinking about someone else for once. How will they feel if we do this? Or how can I make them smile today? I love that Ish is so happy with ben! It is the cutest thing!
Even my friends that do not have boyfriends, they are different. No longer the ones who judge each other and who spread the rumors. Some of them never did this, but the ones that did don't anymore. For whatever reason. Or maybe there is just no gossip that interests them anymore:P Which is entirely possible! Even I used to gossip about certain things. But now, I am being a better friend. Not telling anyone anything that they do not need to know. Including things about myself.

My dad called a few nights ago... or should i say that he got my sister to call so that he didn't have to talk to my mother yet again... I mean it's not like she is going to bitch him out on the phone! She is not that kind of person. She is decent. He is scared of her... and I don't know why. At least he called this time... but still... when was the last time he called? um let's think. O yes I called them at my brother's bday. I don't think he has actually called here since summer.
What does it feel like to have a dad that is there for you? Please someone tell me! Because I have no fucking clue! And I don't think that I ever have. I used to think that he was there for me, he wasn't. He was there when it was convenient... for my step mother(monster). I hope that when I get married I can at least see what it is like for my children. I would hate for my father to be repeated in my husband, but I really doubt that that will happen. I stay away from anyone that reminds me of my father... and the one I am with now will be a great father, whether it is of my children, or of some other lucky woman's... because you never know and things could happen. I just hope those things dont happen.
At least I have the best mother a girl could ask for! Well I have the best two mothers anyone could ask for!
I complain a lot about my father, but it could be worse, and I tell myself that all of the time. But sometimes I just think, is it harder to have it within your grasp (a good father) than to never even have the chance? The constant torture? yes? no? I think the answer is probably no. I am too good at talking myself out of things. Out of the thinking I am bad off. Out of thinking I hate my father. Why is it so hard to be mad at him when i have no problem being pissed at my friends?

Life is complicated.

yours,
a dancer.

☂i hate the life without blogger

I have been so busy lately! I haven't been able to blog! I mean I have been on the computer but I have either too much to say and too tired to say it or I have had the most boring day at school that day! 
Dance is amazing :) this is a good thing! 
Of course yet again my favorite class is art... how can it not be? I mean mrs. n is so eccentric! and amazing and I love art:P Last year it came close to second with english but that's only because mrs. m was like the best english teacher anyone has ever had EVER!!! She taught me so much that year! and made us all so enthused about it! I really want her as my grade 12 homeroom!!!! I think I might die if I don't have her:P maybe not but still.... I would be seriously depressed! 
Tomorrow we are having a family/friends bbq and it should be pretty awesome:) since Ish is coming! and then sleeping over afterwards!!!!!!! <3 bff's til the end! haha. We are going to watch many movies! eat chocolate until we pass out! and read cosmo and giggle about the nasty tips it gives us:P Should be very interesting!!! 
I love having more than one bff but she is totally the one that I can tell everything to since she gets everything that I am feeling and going through! because she is too! ahhh it's an amazing combo! I want to see more of my friends more often and I am starting to actually have plans for different times! I think this year is going to be insanely busy! I mean friends, school, family, bf, dance, hw, .... all of these things to do and be with and so little time!!!!!!!!! 
On wednesday is the annual all boys school and all girls school walk:) we all walk together in this park for breast cancer and then spend the rest of the day hanging out!!! It is a ton of fun! 
I WILL CHALLENGE PPL TO THE BLOW UP THINGIES!!!! love them ^_^
and we get free food... which rocks! ... i think it's free at least! 


I miss my love:(


yours,
a dancer.

☂An amazing day:)

Today was possible the most fun I have had ever haha. It is so much fun just to lie in his arms and to see him smile. It is amazing.
It is going to be hard to be away from him for so long.

yours,
a dancer.

☂people who are in my business and I don't want there...

GET THE FUCK OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

I realize that I am new to some of the things that I am expiriencing... having a relationship being the major one. But you have no clue what is happening in my head. You do not know me. There are maybe 4 people who truly know me. How much you wanna bet that you are one of them? I appriciate advice... which is what friends give they don't gossip behind your back... and I will take it into consideration. But in the end what I do with my life is none of your business! and I will do what I feel is right for me and the people that are involved... also most likely not you! I admit that I do not have everything figured out and that I am learning as I go... but don't you tell me that you have everything figured out! and don't assume that you know more than me! because HOW DARE YOU? I mean if you have everything figured out then how can you believe in god? I mean I don't but I do know that most of the people that this concerns most likely claim to!

Fuck off world.

a dancer.