the little things

In days that are seemingly average and simple there are those little things that make you think: 'oh yeah! That's why I'm loving life right now!' You can spend an entire day with someone and remember one specific moment as the best and smile because of it. Or you could be driving down the street blasting lil jon and singing/rappin' along!
Sometimes it's just a couple words strung into a sentence that you don't receive all too often.
Random things have been making my days :) 

☂hello again boredom

I finished 90210 and now I have nothing to do or watch haha! At least this weekend I will be busy with packing and well busy. I move on monday which i have mentioned probably too many times to too many people, but I am not promising to stop because I definitely wont haha
I am going to miss it here. Even thought the last few months have been stressful and painful and hectic. But I am scared to move. I am scared because I know that it will change me and I know I need that change but I dont know what will happen. I dont know what will happen with anything in my life right now. That's really never happened before. I have never had no plans. I am a planner.
Go with the flow I guess!

yours,
a dancer.

☂talking

Talking with my friends seems to really help me when I get into my own world like I do so often. I start to think everything is either a disaster or all candy and butterflies but they seem to bring me down to earth. Like last night, I talked with a friend of mine about my expectations for the future. And I came to the realization that bad things could happen or good things could happen where as before I was really only thinking of the good. I realized that I need to not build up such high expectations of the people and the events in my life and that I should just take it for what it is. Not to work myself into a frenzy before everything of importance happens. Be ready for the negative and the positive but don't over think either sides.

yours,
a dancer.

☂Joan Jett is my new favorite person

I just watched The Runaways and it was a really great movie. I loved it. It made me feel really insignificant in the world and so useless. Joan Jett and her band started out when they were 15 and they toured around the states and asia. They were huge and they were the first of their kind. An all girls band of rock and roll. I feel like I should be out there doing amazing things like them at my age but what is there for me to do?
I didn't expect to love kristen stewart in this movie but i really did. I think she was great for the role and also that joan jett was an awesomely, crazy, stoner, lesbian. She is like my new idol! Minus the stoner part, I can do without that for sure! haha

I am pretty sure this whole post is like ADD but my thoughts are all over the place right now!
And this all started because i had watched my 72 minutes of 90210 on megavideo and wanted something else to watch :P

yours,
a dancer.

☂I am 16

I have been thinking about how all these teen dramas are about the teenagers having sex and doing drugs and getting into all sorts of trouble. I meant on 90210 one of the girls has a baby and she is 16. These shows are about people my age and that is totally scary. I dont do any of those things but it's crazy to realize how these shows make teenagers look like they lead terribly exciting lives. lol my life is boring!

just random thoughts i guess

yours,
a dancer.

☂Pregnant

lol. that got your attention i bet! No I am not do not shit bricks! hahahaha
Just a general thought/wondering going through my head right now. And that thought is: What would you do if you got pregnant/got a girl pregnant when you were in high school?

My biggest fear in my life is getting pregnant before high school is over. I have no idea what I would do with the baby because I am against abortion... for myself I am pro-choice though, I would be against adoption because I already love my child and I am not even pregnant... I could never give up something I love so much, it would kill me, and I would not want to keep it while being in high school! It would be a major dilemma. I think my ideal but impossible solution would to be that my baby would go and live with someone else until i am done school and then i can have it back... of course visiting it everyday haha and being it's mum as much as possible. Both my mum and s would hate me because they both got pregnant very young and they hope that i do not because it really held them back from their dreams. My mum had my at 23 and S had her daughter at 16, but she was just barely 16.
i don't know
i was just thinking about it. but seriously what would you do!? it would scare the shit out of me... i am not having sex until either i am 100% sure that the baby would be okay if i got pregnant or if i am out of high school!

yours,
a dancer.

☂I am not watching the oscars

I am tired from all the fun times I had at kyra's house :D It is a good tired. Not the kind that is only because you did nothing to get tired.
Tomorrow is Monday. That makes me sad. The weekend passed by waaaayyyy too quickly!

I have been having one of those seriously philosophical weeks where I keep thinking about if this, meaning life, actually exists. A lot of the time I feel like I am not even in my own body. Like I am just watching my life. It is a sad way of living but I cannot stop it. The only time I feel truly alive is when I am talking to a certain person... and I know that sounds completely stupid and juvenile, but it is so true. I think I am in need of a really deep conversation with someone that I actually care about... not just some random person that happens to talk to me randomly on msn or something... that hasn't happened in a long time though... so yeah. I wish I knew what was the right thing for me to do with the rest of my life now... then I could know what to do with all the small things I have to decide on now.

My dad still has not called me. I have not talked to him now since Christmas.... he didn't even call to see if I might like to come and visit for spring break. I wish that nana and papa would invite me actually... but I am pretty sure that they are on a trip somewhere if I remember correctly right now. At least my dad is not a total screw up... but he really needs to learn how to care.

I am so tired and it is 8 o clock... I am such loser :P

yours,
a dancer.

☂I love just everything about this

I love having really intense conversations about things that actually matter to me. Sometimes it is nice to just talk about things of absolutely no importance for hours on end, but a lot of the time I love to have playful debates about things that I am passionate about, and talk about world issues, and learn about things that I have never even heard of. I wish that all conversations were like this. It is harder for people to teach me things though because I am a horrible listener! And I have the annoying thing where I have to be right... I admit it. I hope that I can get over this... I am working on it.
I think that all conversations would be better if we skipped over all of the "Hello, how are you" and dived straight into what we are actually thinking about at that moment. Life would be filled with random conversations between complete strangers.
Maybe the "Hello, how are you" should not be completely eliminated however because if it was then you would never know what was happening in the other person's life, or how they were feeling. That is, of course, assuming that when asked they actually tell you how they are feeling.

Just a thought.

yours,
a dancer.

☂my hair is really soft tonight :)

I just showered... so yeah... it is super soft^^

I really do not get how bobsledding is an olympic sport... isn't it just whatever the sled does determines if you win or not... I don't know. I am not an expert on that type of thing. At least as of now Canada is number one ^^ YEAH MAN!
They go so fast though! I would be scared out of my pants! or stretchy unitard as the case may be... :P

I can't wait until all of my three tests that are tomorrow are over and done with! I do not like having that many in one day! I am fine it they are back to back... but when they are all one day then at least one of them I will not study for! haha. I studied for american history on the weekend... and I need to look it over again, but I haven't really studied for geography... but I think most of it is common sense. And science is just sig figs... so it should not be too bad. I am horrible at studying... because I hate it sooo much.

oh, my mother is home :)

There is really nothing like a really great, cold glass of milk right before bed:) It is one of the greatest things!

I am starting to really feel comfortable with my body. Of course everyone has things they do not like about themselves and I used to just hate the shape of my body, but I am starting to realize that there is nothing wrong with it, in fact, it is better than average haha! I like that I do not have stick thin thighs or huge breasts. I have what works on my body:) I don't know why I am talking about this... I just find it great that I am no longer picking apart my body and comparing it to model looking people. Plus I have a great bum ;) hehe
I definitely do not think that I am the most gorgeous person in the world... but maybe I am pretty... sometimes, and in certain lighting:P I think I have nice eyes, they are blue which is pretty cool because it is more unique.

I should go before my milk gets warm... i do not like warm milk... i do not understand why you would! blech!

yours,
a dancer.

☂I really hate being a girl somedays:\

And we all know which days these are.... ew
Apparently the only thing that makes the pain go away is hearing the story of little red riding hood in italian while lying on your bed.... or at least that is all that helped me today!

I talked to my little sister on facebook briefly today which was nice... it was mostly just her prying into my social life though :P This is the norm for her though! She "almost" got a boyfriend recently according to her. I never really pictured her as the boyfriend type.... at all. I don't know why.... my youngest sister will definitely be boy crazy though :P She is a little cutie too so I assume that they will also be after her! My sisters are both soooo pretty! They have the really dark hair and light skin and beautiful eyelashes! They will never have to wear any mascara! I wish that I also got this! But I got my father's genes for that not my mother's... and they got my step mother's. Although my sister's do have it ruff because they are heavier set than me and yet WAY more physically fit... so my step mother compares them to me and makes them feel bad.... but I am just a naturally skinny person... so yeah.... I will have to work to keep it that way though! I want to be one of those gorgeous skinny fabulous successful older women when I grow up:) The one with the amazing husband and family, great career, and cute babies ^^ I will not get everything in life that I want... that is a given... but if I could just have an amazing family, I could settle with not being that successful of an architect. I do not want a family for my children like the one that I grew up it. Although I was loved it is not the same when your parents are not together. It's also not the same when your father never calls.......
I wonder when he will call... when he needs something I guess. Maybe my birthday:\ That will be in July. I will keep you posted.... whoever the you is that actually reads this.

yours,
a dancer.

☂Tomorrow is just another day...

too bad that day is tuesday and that means that I have school.

I am tired. But I will not sleep well tonight. I can tell that already. It is most likely because I only woke up at 12 this afternoon. But it is a long weekend... it is what you are supposed to do!

I really need a great man hug! And not one from a male relative.... that is not the same. You need to have shy-ness and possibility in a great man hug. I could always fly to Italy and get the greatest one ever.... but that will not happen haha!

I cannot get my head out of the clouds lately. *sigh*
I think that all daydreams that you really want to happen should eventually. That would be great :)

I feel really strange right now. Like I really need to cry. I am not sad really. Just need some sort of release.

God that book I have to read for school will never get done at this rate... ew.

I am listening to I See You by Leona Lewis. It is growing on me. I really like the lyrics. Kind of makes you feel overwhelmed.

yours,
a dancer (Ica)

☂mistakes

God made a mistake by not making me born in europe. I mean seriously! I hate Canada because the people do not interest me and neither does the culture. I mean my friends interest me. But like other than that.... yeah not so much. I like foreign men... they are so... amazing haha. ACCENTS! so cute. and sweet haha! well the ones that I have met at least. Except I do hear that the french can be a little mean. But that is someone else's opinion and not my own.
I need to travel and meet people! It will be so exciting! I can't wait for the adventures!

Lots of my friends are saying that they seem more upset about what happened with me over the weekend than I am. But what they don't understand is that I have been dealing with it for a while now. I have done the sad stage already. They were just not there to see it... or they just did not notice it. They were also shocked... but they only saw the good and none of the bad. So I guess that is why.

yours,
a dancer.

☂Life

Life is complicated. It does not let you rest. It tricks you into thinking things that are untrue. Nothing is as it seems.

yours,
a dancer.

☂My list of things

Like:

• Long car rides.
• Silence
• Really loud music
• Not wearing clothes
• Dancing cats
• Dancing
• Farms
• Photography
• School
• My room
• Laughing
• Dresses
• Indie music
• Fluffy and curly hair
• Tights with designs on them
• Shorts with tights under them
• Staying up all night by yourself
• Being left alone with my thoughts
• Having to work for something I want
• Lists
• Skating
• Sledding
• The outdoors
• Technology (my mac^^)
• Meeting totally random strangers and having conversations with them that make your day.
• Spares in school

Do not like:

• Wet doorknobs
• Squealing pre-pubescent girls... or boys
• People who talk about their boyfriends too often
• People who can stretch in unnatural ways
• That I do not have a cell phone
• Forgetting I have homework and having to half ass it.
• Really gorgeous shoes that do not come in my size
• Not having a credit card (ie not being able to shop online)
• People who can actually free style
• Being shy about some situations
• Not being able to travel anywhere cool yet.
• Watching sports on tv
• People who wine too much
• Being left out
• Being away from my computer for too long
• Being bored

yours,
a dancer

☂thoughts

I wish that I could escape from my own thoughts once and a while. Live inside a person's head who had no things to decide on or things to think about when you know you could never have them. I wish I was somewhat sane:P

yours,
a dancer.

☂So many thoughts!

I am posting a lot today because I have so many thoughts that have nothing to do with each other that I wanna post about! (btw is "wanna" a word because it doesn't pick it up on my spell check:P)
anyways..
I have been reading this blog a lot lately. It is Le Love. It has gorgeous posts and pictures! Check it out!
She posts a lot using pictures from the website ffffound. You have to look around a bit if you are looking for something specific. I love cute things and I would love to cover my blog with ffffound pictures but I will not take someone else's idea, that would contradict the point of the title of my blog!

jasmin check this one out! CAT!!!
you will love it!

yours,
a dancer.

☂Priorities

My first priority is school, but lately I haven't been working as hard at it as i used to. I am so behind in my reading! I really have to get back on that! I read for almost two hours after I finished my homework was done. Rebecca is really good! I like it a lot so far! I got up to chapter 6. Which is pretty good for two hours of reading. I will probably read more later tonight... I just had to take a break to shower and watch grey's:P
My mom and S are really getting on me about school. I need to keep on top of my grades and they help with that. But sometimes I get a little too snarky with them about it. I love going out with my friends but being busy every weekend is getting a little tiring:P This weekend I am doing nothing... If someone wants to see me they come to me. haha.
My mom told me I was acting like a teenager today. It really upset me. I was always more mature than my age. And now I am being a moody teen... WTH? I need a re-vamp of my life or something... or at least the way I think.

yours,
a dancer.

☂change

So many things are changing in my world. My friend's lives. Mine.
I mean some of us, me included, have serious relationships. I mean what is that? When did that happen? Seems like just yesterday that we were all sitting in a circle hearing the stories from the one of us at the time that had a boyfriend, it didn't last all that long unfortunately, but we were still all entertained at the time by the stories! We were all dreaming about having that. Maybe even something better than it. And now some of us have it! How weird is that????
We are not grown up. We don't try to be. But we are actually thinking about someone else for once. How will they feel if we do this? Or how can I make them smile today? I love that Ish is so happy with ben! It is the cutest thing!
Even my friends that do not have boyfriends, they are different. No longer the ones who judge each other and who spread the rumors. Some of them never did this, but the ones that did don't anymore. For whatever reason. Or maybe there is just no gossip that interests them anymore:P Which is entirely possible! Even I used to gossip about certain things. But now, I am being a better friend. Not telling anyone anything that they do not need to know. Including things about myself.

My dad called a few nights ago... or should i say that he got my sister to call so that he didn't have to talk to my mother yet again... I mean it's not like she is going to bitch him out on the phone! She is not that kind of person. She is decent. He is scared of her... and I don't know why. At least he called this time... but still... when was the last time he called? um let's think. O yes I called them at my brother's bday. I don't think he has actually called here since summer.
What does it feel like to have a dad that is there for you? Please someone tell me! Because I have no fucking clue! And I don't think that I ever have. I used to think that he was there for me, he wasn't. He was there when it was convenient... for my step mother(monster). I hope that when I get married I can at least see what it is like for my children. I would hate for my father to be repeated in my husband, but I really doubt that that will happen. I stay away from anyone that reminds me of my father... and the one I am with now will be a great father, whether it is of my children, or of some other lucky woman's... because you never know and things could happen. I just hope those things dont happen.
At least I have the best mother a girl could ask for! Well I have the best two mothers anyone could ask for!
I complain a lot about my father, but it could be worse, and I tell myself that all of the time. But sometimes I just think, is it harder to have it within your grasp (a good father) than to never even have the chance? The constant torture? yes? no? I think the answer is probably no. I am too good at talking myself out of things. Out of the thinking I am bad off. Out of thinking I hate my father. Why is it so hard to be mad at him when i have no problem being pissed at my friends?

Life is complicated.

yours,
a dancer.

☂Women all over the world.

In many countries women still do not have rights. If we were to give them rights. To empower them. Then we could possibly solve many of the world's problems. Think of all the talents wasted because they are not allowed to get an education. Second and third world countries could start to make more money if this were to happen. And yet it hasn't happened yet. I realize that there are many barriers that need to be broken in order for this to happen... sexist men being one of them:P but if it were to happen then maybe there would also be less war. Maybe the money the countries did have would be spent on things more important and more productive than weapons and war.

Women are the answer. Unfortunately we need to convince men that this is true before anything happens...

yours,

a dancer.

☂trickery?

I am so used to having something to worry about. Something that makes me mad and stresses me out. But right now there is none of that. I am totally fine. For now at least. I hope that nothing happens to upset the peace... but something always does.

yours,
a dancer.