Dream Wedding

dress.

dress.

dress.

dress.

haven't decided if i want a veil but if i do^

shoes.

shoes.

venue: nana and papa's wheat field.

under this tree (minus the snow) also at nana and papa's farm.

bow tie and suspenders for the groom.

more bow ties :3

groom's shoes.

wild looking flowers.

may include daisies.

and/or peonies.

lights.

paper lanterns and tiny twinkly lights at night.

concept.

concept.

concept.

concepts.

☂curious to know...

I am curious to know if certain people will continue to read my blog -_-

This is day 1983075987987................ of not talking to my father..... he never calls.
I did talk to my nana the other day though so that is good :)
I hope that my sister is holding up... and that she is not being used as a therapist for my step mother still... because that is how she treats her. That is just wrong.

Why is it that we must always have someone to blame? No one ever takes responsibility for their actions. My step mother blames my littler sister for taking things away from her siblings because her skiing costs so much. She has one dream... you cannot blame her for that. She wants to go to the Olympics. And she is good. Really good. She wants to go for skiing and if she is properly supported by her parents she will make it. I know she has it in her. She has god damn letters taped to her wall in her room that she wrote to herself promising herself that she will make it to the Olympics. And my step mother makes her feel like her dream is stupid and that it is taking away from her other siblings. But it is the one and only thing that she wants in life... so why can't you just let her dream and work for it. Because she works for it everyday of her life. She keeps up with her school work and she goes above and beyond to get it done so that she can take the time she needs off of school to race. She has more determination than I could ever have. I mean sure... I could have been a great dancer if we had the money... but I would have also needed a heck of a lot more determination. I would love to be an amazing dancer. To dance for a living... it would be amazing. I would love it. But I am not willing to give up so much of the life that I would also like to have to support it. I want to be able to go out with my friends on the weekends. I want to be able to settle down somewhere, "home", and not be traveling all the time for dance. But my sister... she is willing to give up all of those things... she has no dreams of getting married and families and those things like I do. She dreams of coming across the finish line first and everyone screaming her name. She dreams of the adrenaline rushing through her body as she nails a ski run and wins gold for Canada. She does not deserve the guilt of wanting a dream so beautiful.

yours,
a dancer.

☂Tomorrow is just another day...

too bad that day is tuesday and that means that I have school.

I am tired. But I will not sleep well tonight. I can tell that already. It is most likely because I only woke up at 12 this afternoon. But it is a long weekend... it is what you are supposed to do!

I really need a great man hug! And not one from a male relative.... that is not the same. You need to have shy-ness and possibility in a great man hug. I could always fly to Italy and get the greatest one ever.... but that will not happen haha!

I cannot get my head out of the clouds lately. *sigh*
I think that all daydreams that you really want to happen should eventually. That would be great :)

I feel really strange right now. Like I really need to cry. I am not sad really. Just need some sort of release.

God that book I have to read for school will never get done at this rate... ew.

I am listening to I See You by Leona Lewis. It is growing on me. I really like the lyrics. Kind of makes you feel overwhelmed.

yours,
a dancer (Ica)

☂Creepy creepy dreams... yet again.

This morning I woke up in tears. Bawling. I can't even think or talk about it without feeling panicky and tearing up. I dreamt that one of my close friends died. It was so vivid. And it wasn't one of those crazy dreams where people just randomly die, no. It was like she literally died. There was a reason. And she died. It was kind of a stupid reason, but she died while rock climbing, she hit her head. The dream started off with her parents coming to my school to tell us all what had happened. And then we went to her funeral a while later and jasmin sang "hallelujah" at the funeral. And when I was saying my condolences to her family I accidentally called her dad by the nickname she calls him all the time "papa scovs" and he started to cry. I felt so bad. I also saw the cascate lowered into the ground and I put something in the ground with her. I dont know what it was though. Then I locked myself in my room and then I woke up... in tears.
We looked up the meaning of my dream and I don't remember the exact meaning but it wasn't good.

I have to go to bed now... lets see what tonight brings. Hopefully it is less depressing.

yours,
a dancer.

☂Creepy creepy dreams

So last night I had a very strange dream... that might in fact mean i am insane... just warning you.

I had a dream where I was in my school and went outside (only the outside looked not like my school... idk?) and there was a person lying in the snow almost dead and some random guy brought her into the school in a panic. And it was like I was just watching all this but I wasn't really there. Like a fricken ghost or something. And then suddenly it does look like the real outside of my school and there are more girls all lined up in a row in uniform some dead some not in the snow in the ravine. SO CREEPY!

What is going on with my head?

ew

And then all the teachers were called to admin. so they could help bring all the girls inside to warm them up. They were called over the intercom. And the students were told to be good and stuff, but for some reason I was the only one in the school and I was watching all this from the third floor.

I don't even know, what the heck.

yours,

a dancer.

☂dreaming

I had a dream that I went to texas last night. I got off of a train and had old fashioned box suitcases. I think I should have lived in the 30s. I would fit in well in that time period.
I need a life
I also need to be older. so that I can travel. and have adventures. that are storybook worthy. like peter pan. only nothing can beat that.

yours,
a dancer.

☂dreaming

Last night I had this intensely depressing day dream. I mean I know you can control what you think about but I just couldn't stop playing it over and over in my head. I have no clue what even made me think of it!
I dreamt that my brother was beaten to death at his school by a fellow classmate. With a stapler... he is 8. It was so sad! I like lost control of myself and I totally broke down crying... I am too emotional sometimes!

yours,
a dancer.

☂Dance

As you can probably see I have started to post video bars that have my favorite dances that have been on so you think you can dance (sytycd). If you love dance as much as I do I am sure that these dances will make you want to move! I wish I could dance like some of these dancers! They are a true inspiration to me and I hope that I will eventually be able to dance on that very stage. My parents have not heard this dream of course... they would make jokes about it most likely. But I think that if it's really something that you love that you should at least try. I am not anything special when it comes to dance but I am working on it!

yours,

a dancer.

☂I am deaf...

I do not know what it means but I keep having this dream that I am suddenly deaf. It is really funny though because I think that it would be really cool. I mean I would desperately miss music! but the whole concept of sign language and my other senses being heightened, it would be interesting. 

In the dream I am deaf and am speaking sign language in french class and then all of a sudden we are all at the SP dance and i meet this boy and I can read lips too so I am dancing with him and talking to him and I keep having to ask Justy what the word for a sign was because I had forgotten! It is so weird! 

yours,

a dancer.

☂Night-time

I love when time seems to stand still for you. Like when you're lying in bed and your half asleep and your dreaming about love and the future and rmembering the past. Listening to your favorite song over and over again not really noticing that it has been rerun for the past two hours. I love just lying there all by yourself thinking about random things that you forget in the morning. You are so peaceful and half awake. You feel like your all alone and yet you know that your parents are just in the next room. It is scary and the same time as it is peacful. Everything is going good. And then you have to pee.

yours,

a dancer.

☂

Not that it is Saturday today but, I was thinking, don't you just love when you wake up on a saturday morning and just lay in bed. It is the most peaceful I feel all week. Especially when you happen to wake up before anyone else in the house does. I just lay there and think about everything, all of the little things that I am too busy to think about during the week. i pretty much always come to the same conclusion though, i love my life. Not that I'm spoiled or anything (well a little) I just feel so lucky to have happy parents and lots of good friends. Not that it was always this way, and don't go thinking I don't have some problems because I do but, it really doesn't matter when you think of it that your father never calls or your step-mother's a bitch, because your not around those people much and you try not to think about it. When you forget, or let it go for a while, you feel happy. But even when you do remember and you feel sad, you don't show it, no you hold your head high and be strong for your brother and sisters, because they are the ones that matter. I don't expect anyone to understand what I have just wrote because it is incredibly personal but that's ok because I still love my life!

yours,

a dancer.