Out Grown?

I don't come onto this blog much anymore. I'm not sure if it is because I am too lazy to write down my thoughts, tumblr is much more interesting, or I have just simply outgrown the need to put my angsty thoughts onto the world wide web. I feel a sort of obligation to this blog, however, because I have had it for at least four years now, if not more, and there is a lot of my life contained in this webpage.

I have been doing a shit ton of artwork as of late, though. I think maybe that is how I've learned to cope with all of my feelings, because those are still wild and out of control as usual.
I do want to write more, possibly only for myself though.

I have decided to go into journalism, which is strange because I've never been massively into creative writing and the such, but I need a career in which to express myself. Hence journalism, most likely photo journalism though, if I can find my niche in that specific specialty. Maybe writing my random and fleeting thoughts down on paper will help me develop some sort of style and voice in my writing. I guess I am saying that I am a little lost in what I want to do with my life, vs. what I actually think I am good at. I was told today by a friend that I am a good writer. Literally the first time anyone has ever said such a thing to me, and yet I am already accepted into the faculty of journalism at my local university. Skill level really hasn't been on my mind until recently. I'm terrified that I won't make the cut when it is time to go out into the world and actually write about things that I am passionate about.
I have such big dreams. They feel a little over my head actually.
            somewhere
                                            really
                                                                      far
                                                                                         from my grasp.

So maybe I should write more of my thoughts here, it is a good place to do such things, a blog. Sounds so juvenile, but that is still acceptable as I am only 17, and my thoughts are alike in this juvenile nature.


In a sea of people who seem to be so creative in their writing, where does a person like me belong?

Work that much harder, I must. 

i love you mum but...

Why must you be so very insistent on me staying here for university???? You wont even give my arguments a chance. Universities here don't offer the programs I need.... Unless I get an undergrad in something that is closely related and then specialize at a different university somewhere else, but that means a lot more schooling than is necessary! gahhhhhh
I really don't even care about going away anymore. I am really comfortable with the idea of staying. I just will not give up what I want to do because I cannot find anything here that will get me there. 

so uhhh

I'm not quite sure where life is about to lead me right now. There are so many different possibilities all over in my life and nothing is decided and nothing it really known. I am super stressed about it all because I really don't like not having the answer. I don't really like planning out my future but at the same time I need to do at least as much as decide on a university now. Friends are being pretty solid right now though. Love all you guys. Hope you know that. Trying to be more open about my personal life with the people I trust... slowly it's working but still not the greatest. And as per usual my love life is in a constant state of meh.
k cool.

inspirations for a tattoo

I am not explaining what these many images will or might come together to form, or if they are all even included. These are just some things I really love lately and I thought I'd share.

Audrey Kawakasi

Audrey Kawasaki

the rest of the images are all from fyeahtattoos

Cut it all off!

I am going to cut off all of my hair :O
Well I am in a little less than a year, once my grad pictures are taken, then I will, because I would like to have long hair for those. I have been looking around and I'm thinking something along these lines:

All of these were found on fuckyeahgirlswithshorthair

The first and last pictures are my favourites. So I think an in between of them and then go from there. I really can't wait though :3 I really don't want to wait but I feel like if it doesn't work out I don't want my grad pictures to be evidence of that :P

Dream Wedding

dress.

dress.

dress.

dress.

haven't decided if i want a veil but if i do^

shoes.

shoes.

venue: nana and papa's wheat field.

under this tree (minus the snow) also at nana and papa's farm.

bow tie and suspenders for the groom.

more bow ties :3

groom's shoes.

wild looking flowers.

may include daisies.

and/or peonies.

lights.

paper lanterns and tiny twinkly lights at night.

concept.

concept.

concept.

concepts.

Edmonton future home?

I think I would seriously like to live in and around edmonton when I am older. Possibly for university if I can scrape up the money...

But it is only one of many places that I would like to experience living in. I want to live all over for a while and choose my favourite place. 

☂hello again

I guess I am having a blog spam now^^

Our grade went to this career symposium on wednesday and we learned about different universities and different careers. You pretty much had the whole day to yourself to explore the whole thing and so we all went our separate ways. There were of course other schools there as well. I chose to go to an architecture lecture. It was an hour long and not very good. It really put me off of architecture. I do not want to become one anymore. I told my parents this and they took it better than I thought they would.
To become an architect you must get a master's degree. It is eight years of university and I am not willing to go through that much schooling for something that I do not LOVE without doubt. And I do not love it that much. It was just something that I got into my head to half please my parents and half please me. I want to go into something in fine arts and I always have but of course my parents would not like that very much since they are sending me to this fancy private school to get a good education so that I can have a successful career, but this is not my main concern in life. I just want a good family:) and to be able to do my art. I know that I could never live off of just being an artist and selling my work but I am thinking that I might possibly like to become a graphic designer or an animator for something like pixar! I do not really know what I want to be anymore but I am sure I will figure it out sooner or later! All I know for sure is that it will not be related to science, or law. :D

I guess I should maybe go to sleep now though because it is 12 pm here now.

yours,
a dancer.

☂ignored

I have been ignoring blogger for the past few days. I guess it is because there is nothing all that exciting that I can report. I have been doing homework off and on and hanging out with friends a couple of times.
Tomorrow night I am going over to one of my guy friend's house for a movie night/ bon fire with a couple of people. Should be fun:) The first summery party of the year! I hope that there are a ton of parties this summer! I am 16 after all! And I kind of want to experience some more wild things... I am always too safe! Although lately that has been changing a lot... I have been taking some pretty risky chances with my heart. But I think it is safe where I am keeping it :)
I cannot stop thinking about him!
I am a girl possessed!

I have been thinking about future events like prom and my wedding and what I want to wear. I think for prom maybe just a simple black dress like audrey hepburn style that goes straight across the shoulders and dips in the back:) I could get more than one use of a dress like that! I would wear it all of the time! And for my wedding it really depends where it will be... because I think the dress should suit the location. But if I get married at my nana and papa's farm in the field like I kind of want to then maybe I will wear a white knee length dress that is flowy and classic:) With lots of lace and buttons down the back.
I don't know... these are just my ideas now. I am sure they will change many many times before the actual event!

yours,
a dancer.

p.s. check out my new obsession of the week :)

☂Hello all:)

I really and seriously do not get the point of screamo music... it is just screaming.. and you cannot understand what the person is saying... it's like "woah! calm down there... don't have a stroke!"

I have read half of Nausicaa of the valley of the wind, and it is amazing! I love it! I have a fair ways to go but they are really short reads so it should not be too hard. I was not able to read it tonight unfortunately because I sat in my living room and was hypnotized by these amazing crackers that S brought home from cosco! They are sooo amazing! I could have eaten them all night but then my mum sent me to bed... and now I am on my laptop! Because I am a rebel like that ;)

On wednesday it is free dress day! Yay^^ I can wear whatever I want and maybe my new shoes!!!!!! ahhhh so great to have new shoes! And maybe a new belt :D

I never did read a separate piece and it is a school book... I wont read it either because it has great sparknotes :D This is the first time that I have not read something that I was supposed to ... so don't freak out! I am not that much of a slacker.
Plus Nausicaa is 10 times more interesting!


We watched a movie in geography today about the privatization of water and it made me really mad for many reasons: (the documentary was called "Flow")
1. Many people in my class did not even care/pay attention/realize that this is an important issue that actually will affect them in later years!

2. People in developing countries are having to pay for water and if they cannot afford it they have to drink from highly contaminated water! This is wrong on so many levels! I mean yes, it takes money to upkeep the system, and yes, it provide many people with regulated water that is safe to drink. But why can't you drop this system and spend that amount on doing that for all of the public and hire people to do the work from the towns that the systems are in. Or maybe have volunteers to care for the system... I am sure that if it meant clean drinking water people would be more than willing to volunteer some of their time to check the system.

3. There is a way to clean the water using UV rays and it is inexpensive and simple but it is not being implemented because it would cause the big corporate companies to loose money on water.

Learning about these kinds of things not only make me mad and depressed, but they also make me think about how useless to the rest of the world an architect would be. If I were to become an architect it would be meaningless. Yes, I would be doing something related to art and I would love that, but I would sleep much better at night knowing that I provided a safe water system or anything really to someone in need than I would if I only designed a home that a middle to upper class family will live in, oblivious to the tragic world around them. I want my children to not only look up to me for having a successful career, but also because they know that I help people. I might be having a major change of heart for my career... no matter what I will not need chemistry... so pheww! Because I am not taking it next year!

☂mistakes

God made a mistake by not making me born in europe. I mean seriously! I hate Canada because the people do not interest me and neither does the culture. I mean my friends interest me. But like other than that.... yeah not so much. I like foreign men... they are so... amazing haha. ACCENTS! so cute. and sweet haha! well the ones that I have met at least. Except I do hear that the french can be a little mean. But that is someone else's opinion and not my own.
I need to travel and meet people! It will be so exciting! I can't wait for the adventures!

Lots of my friends are saying that they seem more upset about what happened with me over the weekend than I am. But what they don't understand is that I have been dealing with it for a while now. I have done the sad stage already. They were just not there to see it... or they just did not notice it. They were also shocked... but they only saw the good and none of the bad. So I guess that is why.

yours,
a dancer.

☂Pearls^^

My nana finally sent me the pearls that were my great grandma's that I got from her (nana) for xmas! They are gorgeous! and she got a special box for them and everything! I love her so much haha^^ She is my favorite person in the world. I don't know if the guy i end up marrying will ever be able to understand how I love her more than I love him. Well at least that is how I assume it will be. You never know though. I might fall even more madly in love with this guy. Wouldn't that be grand!
haha
I guess I should stop procrastinating! grrr to you homework, I do detest thee! ^^

yours,
a dancer.

☂fitness... blerrrggggggg

Today we had to do more fitness testing in gym... And since I worked out last night intensely so I did not do as well as I could have:\
I am running every night:D Well except for on wednesdays because I know that I wont be able to do hiphop after all my energy is gone:P
I ran before dance today but it was jazz and it is not as intense.
I really want to get in shape^^
Which is what I say every so often and don't keep to it. But I think what I am doing is easy to keep up. So I will try my best!

Wish me luck!

yours,
a dancer.

☂Pet Snake

There is a snake in one of the science labs and from what my research has told me I think that it is a ball python. I really want one! It is similar to this one only different colours. I don't know what colour I want really, just one that is curious and has a personality. They are so cute! I like the dark ones the best though. The albino ones are a little creepy, but if there is a really cute one I will get it!
All of this when I move out of my parents house though... My mother is deathly afraid of snakes! Just my luck right? I really can't wait! Although it wont be for a while because I plan to go to university at home:(
I have been researching and snakes are really easy to care for. And the whole feeding dead mice to it doesn't really creep me out so I am good:)
I would want a male ball python because they are smaller than the female ones, and I don't really want a 5 footer. I want like 3-4 feet. That would be perfect. And they are fairly light so I can carry it around on my arm. I am pretty sure I like snakes more than dogs... Dogs are so high maintenance! I wonder if snakes and cats get along:\ Because I would kind of like a cat too. Snakes live for like 20 -30 years! It would be my bff^^
I can't wait!

yours,
a dancer.

☂Future bedroom

Must haves:

1. A display case of really interesting butterflies to hang on my wall. It doesn't have to be too big, but I either want three cases of single butterflies, or one case of like 4 or 5.

2. A mural that I have to design for my bedroom wall... I need some ideas for that!
3. A really cool low dresser.
4. matching other furniture.
5. cool nik naks!
6. lots of art to hang on the walls courtesy of me:P

I am sure I will think of more!

yours,
a dancer.

☂tattoos

When I am older I definitely get a tattoo. I really like these ones that I found but I would change them a little. I want something simple and small enough that I can easily cover it up and it wont prevent me from looking classy in certain outfits still.

I want something like this only with small birds.

I want them to fly in a strange line like that but I want to birds to look more this shape:

I don't want it on my shoulder though, I want it either on my hip like this:

or on my side but only half way up, not as high as this:

Tell me what you think!

yours,
a dancer.



UPDATE: This post was made a very long time ago, or so it seems, I have no intention of getting any of these kinds of tattoos anymore. 

☂Women all over the world.

In many countries women still do not have rights. If we were to give them rights. To empower them. Then we could possibly solve many of the world's problems. Think of all the talents wasted because they are not allowed to get an education. Second and third world countries could start to make more money if this were to happen. And yet it hasn't happened yet. I realize that there are many barriers that need to be broken in order for this to happen... sexist men being one of them:P but if it were to happen then maybe there would also be less war. Maybe the money the countries did have would be spent on things more important and more productive than weapons and war.

Women are the answer. Unfortunately we need to convince men that this is true before anything happens...

yours,

a dancer.

☂Boston, England

We have relatives from boston, england. They are so cute! They have the accents that I WANT:P And they are so nice! I want to go to boston!!! It is so gorgeous! I want to go everywhere though so ya...

yours,
a dancer.

☂Clothes... can't get enough

I have fallen in love with korean clothing styles! Not much different than ours but they just seem to do it that much better! All the clothing is so pretty! and I have also been wishing that they had an Anthropologie in canada! It's not korean but I still love it haha! I LOVE that store! But I only have one pair of pants from there:( Cocobonny and BangBang are the two korean ones.

Anthropologie

Cocobonny

BangBang

Cocobonny doesn't let you copy their pictures so the ones I have are from another site but still the same brand. If you want to see more cocobonny then click on the link to go to their site. I think that when I actually get a job I will live in anthropologie and i might even have to buy some stuff online from coco and bangbang:P ... although I might have to get jenny to help me with bangbang because all of the information is in korean:P It's all so expensive though haha! That's why I need a job! yours, a dancer.